7aum Arivu – My take


Shruti Haasan and Suriya hire a rickshaw in Chennai and driver does a “meter down”!!. Please read it again, .. no hold it, let me type it again (it

Ezhaam arivu
Ezhaam arivu - through wikipedia

feels good) Auto driver turns meter ON!!! There. That should’ve been my first clue!

As you already might have guessed, I hated 7aum Arivu. Disappointing.  Although I am glad I chose this movie over Ra.one. That would have been a suicide. (BTW, Shahrukh Khan came to my bathroom, while I was bathing, asking me to watch his Ra.One. !!! Did that happen with you or is it just me?)

Back to “the seventh sense”, I promised my friends that I would list 10 negative about this movie, against 5 of the good ones. So here you go.

Shruti Haasan: she is an excellent actor in a world where Rahul Gandhi is an excellent statesman. Kapish?

Direction:  Ghajini had memento as reference.  This one had nothing to inspire from. So, no wonder movie derailed after first 20 minutes. This director stretched one hour story like a chewing gum, threw common sense out of window and on top of it – he took my money!

Stunts: I can’t believe why our directors don’t have any idea on what Kung Fu is. They simply had to pick up any Chinese/Thai movie, except “crouching tiger..”. But looks like they checked only that movie, so kung fu now is surfing on bamboo trees.

SCI-FI: Flying objects without any explanation does not make any movie a sci-fi (nor historic), as this proudly claims. Bunch of kids just out of their diapers, tweak a guy’s a DNA to make him a superhuman, and you want me to believe it!?!

We laugh at Kyapten Vijaykanth typing on Windows media player, but we are OK with Sruthi compares two DNA in microscope! We laugh when Balayya diffuses a bomb with On/Off button, but we are Okay with Dong lee placing a Jammer on top of the car for public display (BTW which says “Jammer switched On”).

As usual, unbelievably stupid “science”.

Hypnotism: Really! Are you kidding me? Does anyone know what is it? Somebody please explain this director what it is, I think he believes it to be something similar to “statue” game we played in 4th grade.

Romance: 90 minutes with 3 songs. I turned believer for a moment and asked “God, what have I ever done to get this kind of treatment!”. There is absolutely no justification for wasting 90 minutes on pointless romance when you claim movie is action/sci-fi or whatever it is.

Flaws: Millions of them, for naming one – Shruthi&co don’t have money to hire a monkey, but she conducts DNA test for an entire village in Kanchipuram! That’s smart economics.

Bio war: Its basically conspired by 6 Chinese officials plotted in broken English, even though they know mandarin very fluently.  Basically they want to attack India through a virus in a month so. It’s the same paranoid theory few Pakistanis think Indians plotting it (or Palestinians thinking Israelites, and so on )

Songs & dance: Below average pointless and they were “inserted”

Historic Accuracy:  Is Bhodhidharma father of Chinese medicine and Kung fu? Movie says I should be ashamed if I don’t know this, Now I am back at my desk and I can’t find reference to this. Can you please help me out?

Comedy: Alright! Are we banking on retarded and dwarfs?

To name some good things:

  1. Suriya.
  2. Cinematography for first 20 min
  3. Hmm.. still can’t think of anything else.

Review: 7 Khoon Maaf


Saat Khoon Maaf has been underperforming at the box office! What did you expect? You should have anticipated it when you brought that plot for Europe, which does not fit in our “Indian culture”,. I mean, a woman with 7 husbands!, and she kills all of them – what a slut!.  Did you not know that we Indian cinemagoers are bunch of fourteen year olds who would like to giggle for PJs and miniskirts? Let me remind you again, we can’t bare the thoughts of serious thoughts of homosexuality, pre (or extra) marital sex, female polygamy (male is fine) etc, even though they all are stacked up in the closet.

7KhoonMaaf
image via wikipedia

It’s so frustrating to see such artwork does not get the attention, recognition and popularity it deserves. Almost a century now of history of Bollywood and its audience still did not reach puberty.

Back to the movie, it’s brilliant, just what Vishal Bhardwaj promises, every time! I am a Vishal fan, ever since Omkara. This again, based on a book, “Susanna’s Seven Husbands” – a Ruskin Bond novel. Story of a woman constantly in search of eternal love (read: overrated love) and she ends up marrying (and killing) all of them. As it was done for Omkara, story was customised to the Indian context. Susanna, of course, is retained as a westernised Christian woman; otherwise it is not possible to tell a story of seven husbands. Remember that Indian cultural thing – once a widow always a widow (Manu wrote this, not me).

Movie is collectively almost a masterpiece – fine acting, great direction, brilliant storytelling and nice choice of character. Priyanka Chopra did a great job, but I am still not a fan. Annu Kapoor was the best part of the movie, other husbands did well. Songs were good; “Daaarlinggg” was worth the applause.

Only departments that fail in the movie are graphics and make up. Black panther was totally a cartoon, and the burning house looked like a gif image from a mail forward. Bollywood has a long way to go make the graphics look real. While fixing that, for the next movie, Vishal can fire his Make-up artists. Plot reads Susanna ageing from 20 to 65 along the storyline, but she always looked like age 28 to 28.5, with several bad disguises!

Accentophobia!


An Indian call center
Image via Wikipedia

Onshore support translates to more expensive service, offshore works out cheaper. Both have their own advantages and drawbacks. Companies pick one of these, so that they can sell their service at feasible price.

Now, what did I miss? (scratching me head)… No, I dint. It’s so simple.

Alright, that context is this post – “Accent neutralisation and a crisis of identity in India’s call centres”, and this comment caught my eyes.

He declares :

FACT: Nobody enjoys speaking to Indian call centres, because it’s really difficult to understand what they’re saying.

FACT: Even the Indians who try to disguise their native accent are barely understandable.

FACT: Many people have switched suppliers (be it power, internet, mobile phone, etc) simply because they’re fed up with talking to Indians when they want support.

This part is very interesting..

Personally, I don’t care for Indian accents, and I refuse to speak to Indians on the phone (even if they’re British). This suits me just fine, as I have none of those frustrating calls any more.

If I do need support, and the support is via an Indian call centre, then I go straight to the Terminations department  and tell them I don’t want their services any more. When they ask why this is, I say it’s because I need help but I’m fed up with talking to Indians. They will normally put me straight onto a British person and I can deal with them.

Don’t be shy of telling them you don’t want to speak to Indians. Just because you don’t understand what somebody is saying, it doesn’t mean you’re racist

My brain’s all over the wall.

Right to hoist Indian flag in Kashmir


Question: Was the government right in arresting BJP leaders, who marched to hoist Indian flag in Srinagar, Kashmir (India)?

Before you answer this please consider this:

Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi organised a march in Dandi to “illegally” produce salt, against applied tax by British Raj in India. It was “within” the political boundaries of India, had a “political aspiration” with a motive of achieving a “political goal”! Now, back to BJP:

Disclaimer: As any liberal need to announce this, to avoid branding. My support here is issue based and this statement is not sarcastic.

Ophiuchus – the 13th Zodiac sign


Ophiuchus will be in newspaper columns soon! Are you worried? Did you lose your sleep over it, yet? Do you feel betrayed that your whole life you were told about (yourself) and now you are not! Actually I don’t give a rat’s ass on this new change in zodiac, just that I need to convey few long pending victory laughs, to those friends who called it part of Astronomy. Eee Ha ha ha (Amrish Puri style)!

Right, back to the topic. This is what happened recently: Few astronomers finally found some time to have a look at this stuff called Astrological (the non-science part of stars, constellation stuff) zodiac signs. They found discrepancy and their calls on Astrology are:

a) Zodiac constellations (news paper ones, not scientific) were designed by Babylonians based on placement of constellation couple of thousand years back, and earth axis changed since then making the whole Zodiac system inaccurate. So, could you please correct it? Enough fooling people!

b) Are still stuck in 12? We told you 13 is the number for the boundaries. So now, add it. The name’s Ophiuchus, “The Ophiuchus”. And to embarrass you, for making him wait 3000 years to get into the committee, he will have a strange sign, wrestling a snake between his legs! (Really! what kind of pervert can come up with that!)

13th sign of the Zodiac: Ophiuchus

image source

c) Could you please (I added this) stop linking these constellation with personal traits? We know you pulled this stuff from your ass.

This was the story, and there was panic from every corner of the world. It’s fun to watch J

General public feeling betrayed. Let me remind you, betrayed people tweet in block letters! Astrologers panicking, planning on how to pull together some “personal traits” for this new Ophiuchus guy. It’s been a couple of thousands years since they did something like that.

Indian astrologers must be in bigger dilemma, not sure if they plan to copy the Zodiac system from west once again, which wasn’t synced since they first copied it from Greek.  Sure its going to be fun to watch astrologers come up with excuses, they need to answer for all the marriages they broke and made based on Zodiac.

Once again, from my fav comic ape not monkey

a-new-astrological-sign