Dhoom 3 – Transformers, smelling the fart and strip tease

I was late for the party; I watched Dhoom 3 after the entire world and his wife. When I reached here, the Internet is filled with contents by Bhakts on how Dhoom 3 fulfilled their lives and without which Holidays would have been so dull. Twitter is trending with trends and screenshots of trends and tweeting why Twitter is trending with it. Box offices are shouting that this has broken all the records in Nepal, Pakistan, Somalia and Papua new-guinea; before this, we did not know movie industries existed out there. Oh Boy! Aamir Khan Movies are festivals on their own. You must be living under a rock if you haven’t bought one of these overpriced tickets and enjoyed the performance of Bollywood perfectionist.

Aamir Khan Bhakts who did not sense sarcasm above, this is when you close the browser.

Katrina Kaif Dhoom3
Katrina Kaif Dhoom3

Okay, let’s start. Within the first five minutes, the message comes out – loud and clear. A) Revenge is must whenever a banker does not lend you more money considering your ideas are nuts. B) never ever beg or plead in front of a gora. Instead, it’s cool to shoot yourself in front of kids. The Entire movie is built around these two principles – Aamir’s character(s) live for a) and dies with b)! Oh, joy! There is absolutely nothing else worth noting – it’s a regular masala flick – a formula with a half cup each of humiliated parent, extreme poverty, 25 years of revenge, cabaret for masses, surprise twins twist, shattering brick walls and flying rickshaws; add salt and pepper as per your taste.

Something must be said about Katrina. It appears like her entry to the movie is choreographed by a horny 17-year-old kid. The only good song in the entire film – Kamali, is a mix of two most popular adult movie genres, strip-tease and casting-couch. !!

Having expected as a heist movie, I thought it would show something smart like Ocean’s eleven. But No, robbery starts with him running away rather than a planned execution of theft itself. It was also told this movie is about magic. Which is also called circus for some undisclosed reasons, there isn’t any magic as well. Listen to this – for a magic trick, they keep one of the twins hidden for his entire lifespan – without even social security number Obamacare! How cool is that?

Okay, then it must be a race movie like its predecessors. Apparently, it isn’t that too, in fact, it does not even have a real race. While rest of the crowd follow in regular vehicles, Aamir rides on the second cousin of Optimus prime – youngest member of Autobot transformers. Apparently, riding it on the road is one of the boring things one can do with it when it can assemble itself as hovercraft and motorboat as well (did I miss helicopter?).

Abhishek and Uday are said to have enrolled under BharataRatna Sri Rajiv Gandhi Rojgar Yojna, even then this is Uday Chopra’s career-best performance. US characters in the movie are like never ageing vampires. The only person in the entire film with some acting experience is Aamir and him.

Aamir Khan smelling the fart screws is up. I don’t know hot explain but let me give a try – Aamir is “selectively differently-abled”. One of his characters cannot tie shoes. Still, note, he can operate an Autobot bike also can do acrobatic dances at par with Katrina. His character is very similar to “my name is Khan…”, King Khan messed it up, so did Aamir’s now.

The Most Annoying part is, he pulls out random expressions at random places. I was told Amir does Joey Tribbiani’s “smelling the fart” throughout the movie, allegedly intense acting. But I could note some more: ‘did I leave the gas on?’, ‘did I change my undie today?. And when he places an occasional smile in between all these intense souls searching questions, it looks like ‘That fart smells like cinnamon’.

Sorry about so many fart jokes, If you can explain it a better way, be my guest.

Aamir Khan smelling the fart
Aamir Khan smelling the fart

The movie itself has so many loopholes that you will be confused about ‘Saans Kahan se lein aur…’. (too many fart jokes eh?). Several posts are listing all the things which went wrong in this movie. Here, one of the most hilarious among them, by Mumbai boss.

Those who accused Aamir Khan as a perfectionist, please eat your shoes now, or that hat he wore.

Movie review: Raavan

By this time you would have already read about the review on both versions of Raavan, mostly discouraging.  Yes, I am here backing them up. I am writing this review to those who still want to try this. Guys, there is still time, it’s never too late to cancel the ticket.  And for any reason if you cannot cancel your tickets, join the party after 90 mins. Tadaa!!, you still caught the whole movie!

Direction sucks! But I still forgive Mani Ratnam. People should be allowed to do mistakes not repeat it, that’s all. Abhishek overacts his way through the movie. His madness seems to be sinusoidal. In a way it is good, at least you can predict when he is going to bray next. Aishwarya and her makeup kit were always attached; wish somebody explained her that she is not supposed to, at least not in this plot. Vikram! I am not impressed. Now I think I can extrapolate the level of over acting in Ravanan.

Cinematography is fine. But can you tolerate beautiful clips with some “star”s trying their “act”ing in foreground? Would you rather not watch “national geographic” 🙂

This movie did not do well in almost all departments. But at the same time it is not stupid. It does not consider audience as stupid either. For this reason alone I would still rate it more than most of Akshay, Shah Rukh and Salman movies.

  • Graphics sucks! Technology back to 80’s.
  • What’s up with the rain? It rains almost every scene!
  • Monologues! Are we officially back to Shakespearean plays ?
  • Falling off the cliff. How many please? This is not a movie on mountaineering. Please limit it to less than five next time.
  • Please do not shake freaking camera! This is not “Fast and Furious”.
  • Aishwaryas’ eyes are beautiful, we get it! You don’t need zoom it in every other scene! Try ears or nose next time.
  • Song and dance! Are you kidding me? I am going to write this for the last time. Synchronised dance spontaneously is never possible in reality.Period.

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