I was really rooting for this movie…
Despite my dislike towards the main cast, despite knowing this was Bollywood’s last-ditch attempt to stay relevant, despite knowing it was basically a high-budget employment scheme for nepo babies, and despite knowing it was a left cabal’s spin on a story that’s traditionally the domain of the right.
I wanted it to succeed. I hoped for a massive commercial hit that would take global screens by storm. I was honestly tired of Hollywood constantly inventing heroes while we sit on our own goldmine, and I just wanted one solid movie to hold up a mirror to them.
Alas, it was a spectacular disappointment.
Let me be clear: I’m not questioning the authenticity of the story. I get that it’s just another retelling of the epic. We all know there are hundreds of versions of the Ramayana, and this is just the 101st—a creative take that blends previous versions with a few narrative risks. I’m fine with creative liberties, but when the execution leaves such a bad taste in your mouth, it’s usually because fundamental character concepts were butchered.
Let’s count a few off:
- By definition, Rama does not stab anyone in the back. Yet, here he is, doing exactly that.
- Sita is framed as a warrior in this version—which is a cool concept! But when push comes to shove, she doesn’t even put up a fight. Thanks to some atrocious editing and pacing, one minute she’s captured, and the next she’s staring blissfully at clouds and birds, completely unbothered by her own abduction.
- Ravana was a tyrant, oppressor, and serial molester. Here? He’s portrayed like a socialist dictator, practically reading aloud from Karl Marx’s Das Kapital!
These were massive directional blunders. But honestly, the movie wasn’t sold on historical precision anyway, and the flaws are endless. Just in case the directors want to make a better sequel, here’s a handy cheat sheet:
- Fire A.R. Rahman. He had one job and single-handedly failed the soundtrack. At peak emotional and intense moments, he inexplicably opted for Qawwali-style tracks. I was genuinely terrified the lyrics were about to drop words like Ibadat or Sajda, but thankfully he spared us that much.
- Fire Hans Zimmer in the same breath. He turned in shockingly ordinary work. It certainly didn’t sound like a maestro was running the BGM.
- Fire the costume designer. The wardrobe was a mess. If we’re wearing modern-styled cholis and lehengas in an ancient epic, why not just go all out and throw in some palazzos and tank tops?
- Fire the research team. If the characters are using watermelons for target practice, why not capsicums and pineapples? Also, spotting a South American macaw sitting on a branch felt just a tiny bit out of place.
- Fire the editors. There was zero continuity between scenes; the movie jumped around like a poorly clipped comic book. The audience had no time to absorb the gravity of any situation before it abruptly cut to something entirely irrelevant.
- Fire the makeup artists. If only for putting lipstick on Rama. Luckily, it seems Rama’s third promise to his stepmother was that he’d wipe it off the moment he set foot in the jungle.
- Fire the dialogue writers for their obvious Wikipedia addiction. The random trivia drops crammed into every conversation were infuriating. Everyone in the scene knew who was who, what was what, and which avatar was which—except Rama, who innocently turns around and asks, “Who is Ravana?”
- Fix the atrocious pacing. It’s painfully obvious where the budget went: high-priced fight scenes got bloated screen time, while crucial emotional scenes were completely starved of it.
- Fire the visual effects team. Despite how fiercely the makers defend it, this was lazy AI, not proper VFX. We actually watched characters phase through branches, running and walking with full GTA NPC physics.
- The complete lack of dramatic weight. Characters change their lifelong convictions in two seconds flat. Case in point:
Illustration 1:Ranbir: “I cannot kill a woman.” Lakshmana: “No, mate, you have to.” Ranbir: “Okay, done.”
Illustration 2:Yash: “Mom, I want to play the veena.” Shobhana: “No! You must avenge our clan! Swim through roaring oceans, endure cyclones, cross scorching deserts, and meditate on a volcanic mountain for decades!” Yash: “Okay, done!”
To be fair, a few good things came out of this, and credit where it’s due:
- Making Sita a warrior was a great creative touch.
- The visual execution of Ravana’s ten heads was fantastic—kudos for that.
- Supporting performances like Lakshmana, Dasharatha, Kaikeyi, and Shurpanakha were actually solid. It was really just the main leads who tanked the film.
- The popcorn was great. Perfectly salted, right amount of crunch. (Sorry, unrelated to the film, but I literally ran out of good things to say about it.)
As a result, I’ve officially resolved not to watch Part 2, regardless of Hanuman, my favourite character in it. Unless Sunny Deol personally comes to my house and promises me a better sequel, I’ll stick to lesser-known movies next Deepawali!
